Friends, Satan doesn’t want you to read this. If we understand just how he’s working to divide America, we may be forced to look in the mirror. Nevertheless, ignorance is not bliss in this case, lest the Enemy take advantage of us (2 Corinthians 2:11).

Dear America, I commend you for the advancements you have made on my behalf. The sentiments surrounding this election have me effervescent with joy.

I’m glad we can agree that the beliefs undergirding the nation can be neatly bifurcated into two factions. Sure, the issues have at their heart much more substance and nuance. But by adopting my strategy of oversimplifying the country’s ideologies into polarizing camps, you are making steady progress toward undermining the ideals held by the majority of moderate Americans.

After all, why take advantage of the aggregated wisdom of a diverse populace? That would only serve to promote unity and empathy—goals diametrically opposed to ours.

Still, I have some suggestions. With so many citizens already feeling overworked, underrepresented, and victimized you could do more to exploit those feelings. You would be wise to leverage those vulnerabilities with fear. A scared citizen is an emotional citizen. Since emotions are rarely rational, we would benefit from capitalizing on knee-jerk reactions that veer the country away from a clear and fair perspective of reality.

Publicly accuse anyone who does not agree with you of ending the “democracy” as we know it (accuracy of our form of governmental not required). In other words, vilify, vilify, vilify. You are permitted to question the voting conscience of another. There’s nothing more frustrating than the “pot calling the kettle black.”

So you’ve noticed that people don’t like being labeled elitist, homophobic, entitled, racist, unethical, etc.? Perfect. Do it on social media where you will be spared the responsibility of your words. Engaging in any intelligent conversation would force out the underlying issues affecting their lives (as if that matters). The populace must never agree that different experiences beget various opinions, perspectives, and priorities.

Don’t forget to go after the parents. Parents are easily riled up about their children’s welfare. So frame everything in terms of future catastrophic consequences. With all that’s on parent’s plates these days, most are already feeling guilty. Make sure they realize that their child’s future problems are a result of how they voted or didn’t vote in this election.

Oh, and fan the flame of entitlement. We can’t have people taking responsibility for their lives. Let each side dig their heels in the sand until peace is all but lost.

Alas, organize protests and encourage others to fight back. Reassure them it’s the only way to save a sinking ship. They need not realize that wanting the president (past or present) to fail is like asking the pilot to crash the plane they’re all on.

Finally, and most importantly, keep Christ out of the picture. He understands that the peace of any nation must start with a peace within each and every individual. And Christ dares offer a peace that actually surpasses the populaces’ bad experiences! This poses a catastrophic obstacle to fulfilling our goal of total annihilation of freedom and hope. We must snuff out Christianity until our scheme finally erodes the biblical foundation of the United States, and consequently the infamous “one nation under God.”

So thanks. You have the country playing right into my hands. Keep up the good work.

Yours truly,

Satan